I'm not going to pretend I can even remotely imagine what that actually means or feels like. From the outside it's so damn clear that it's in no way your fault. But our psyche has its own way in many things.
Madness string 95987
The consequence of having seen God is madness, not in the sense that one becomes mentally ill, no, but that a kind of madness is set between you and others: people cannot nor will not understand you.