I think you've suffered enough. You've given enough. I think you deserve a chance to just... give up. You accepted his choice, that ending the pain was better than the pain. Why can't you give yourself that gift?
Madness string 94328
Go on, then. You will find the keys to the cupboard behind he who reigns king of the sandcastle. Riddle? Sort of. But you'll see what I mean. Pass the gates, find the mongoose, and you shall see.