As man of the house, I am entitled to be the one wearing the meat pants.
Madness string 94300
Between lady foxes in heat sounding like women being murdered, barn owls screeching like tortured souls, whatever it is that crunches across my gravel drive at 3am, and idiots who let their cats roam at night, the dark is full of interesting noises.
I'm pretty sure if your family life can be considered reality TV material, then you all need to rethink your life choices.