According to the most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Madness string 84681
I imagine people walk around mumbling 'Can anyone help me?'. Once someone hears that, they ignore the person, but shout 'Exclamation mark help'. Promptly the PA system shouts passive-aggressively 'Don't Ask to Ask, Just Ask!'
I'm very sorry about whatever the fuck her problem is.