The statue of Zeus at Olympia was not destroyed in the 5th century A.D., it just walked into the ocean hidden from humanity until it somehow got an internet connection and started posting about fighting with your dick out.
Madness string 82865
Our caselaw recognizes two different interpretive tools concerning absurdity. The first, the absurd consequences canon, merely resolves an ambiguity by choosing the reading that avoids absurd results. The second, the absurdity doctrine, reforms unambiguous statutory language where the language would lead to an absurd result.