As of this writing, the phrase 'I'd like a cup of spiders' gives exactly one result in a Google search, compared to 3.75 million results for 'I'd like a cup of coffee'.
Madness string 111883
And you knew what you were doing the whole time, but you did it anyways. Your regret for doing it does not negate the fact that you abused her, and I'd be baffled that you thought you could fix it, except that every abuser downplays the severity of their actions.