Mike doesn't have friends so much as people he's willing to stand next to.
Madness string 102160
When you're dealing with people this dumb, you have to be really blunt and obvious. This means you either have to tell them outright what happened, remove yourself from the situation, or do something else.
What does this show? Not only does destiny know where you live, but she'll invent whole new breeds of oracular mollusks to trick you into opening your door to her.