Madness string 93764

Random mermaid
I was looking out at the wall of a room but in my eye I was seeing infinitely, kind of like a never ending runway. Another time I thought I went too far because I had to close my eyes and these pulsing patterns were too much, and as I lay I think on my bed, in the fetal position, terrified and focusing on breathing, I had a sensation of going inside out, like a rubber glove you peel off your hand and the glove is left inside out.

I am fifty-two, and all my life I have put my foot in my mouth and offended people with comments I thought were funny or cute or silly. It did not go over well, and so I masked super hard and walked on eggshells around anyone I did not know very well. So most everyone. It's not just tiring, it's also lonely to never be yourself because 'Oops, I did it again'. So I hold back and hold back and it's unbelievably hard to make friends when you are masking.