Well, uuuh, are bad miracles a thing? 'Cause if they are, I'm certainly an expert on those!
Madness string 85626
Trauma like that puts you in a headspace that makes clear, lucid thought a cruel joke. He can only see himself there because he is deeply, deeply traumatized from all the hours, days, years spent sleeplessly imagining all the moments he could have shared with his kids.