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Huh?
Voices in the Shadows
Captain, we're approaching a Plot Contrivance.
Madness string 84911
So the answer of 'how many emails of failed backups will it take for me to finally stop being lazy and fix my backups?' is '954'.
When trapping lightning in a rock (and eventually tricking the rock into doing math), it's very important to be selective about the type of rock.