I can't help but feel that it's a bewildering reminder of the kind of people I share this reality with. Assuming its a person. They seem to lack the shame most humans have.
Madness string 83066
And you knew what you were doing the whole time, but you did it anyways. Your regret for doing it does not negate the fact that you abused her, and I'd be baffled that you thought you could fix it, except that every abuser downplays the severity of their actions.