Madness string 3163

Random mermaid
This is a bar of soap. It might not look like much, but it is, in fact, a very, VERY powerful weapon. It carries healing magic more powerful than anything the gods could grant me! It kills enemies so deadly and subtle that us mere mortals cannot even perceive them, although they are always all around us, trying to do us harm. But if you rub yourself over with the magnificent soap, it will grant you an aura that even the terrible Germs will be forced to flee! So, mighty Lhoryn... take this soap. And vanquish your enemies.

Someone just wanted to use if statements in the configuration, and it sorta went downhill from there.