A vampire's anus is present, but non-working. Like a network card without the appropriate driver.
It wouldn't be as much fun if it just told you what the error was, now would it.
Madness string 2914
Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.