The story happens because of the protagonist, not Palace Guard #2. I'm sure he's a great guy, and yes, he can be present in the story if he adds something, but I don't need his history and contact info.
Madness string 22661
So I got out my boat... and I got out my shop-vac... and I plugged it into my generator... and you know those blow-up raft things? That's my boat, see. So I used it with the shop-vac and I took it on the river.