I went for a bit more of a direct tact, given how thick they are. If that doesn't work out I think I'm going to get consensus for a monthlong timeout or something so they can go take a php class.
Madness string 112051
I'm afraid you'll never get home. Your knuckles will bleach on the prairie, and mum and dad will cry till they drown, and there'll be nothing left at all, and later the hyenas will howl over the whole thing.