The world is not black and white. There are only various shades of grubby.
Madness string 111951
I made soup. Out of soup, and more soup.
You're getting handled in a way that you've never experienced and things are happening to your body that you don't understand. You 'let' it happen because you don't know any better and it's an adult. Surely this is okay? You're told to keep it a secret otherwise you'll be in big trouble. There's clearly something wrong but being a five year old you just bottle it up and never really think about it.