There should be no shame in being an Upham, as most of us haven't been trained in the ways of war. And to quote the average Martha Stewart, 'that is a good thing'.
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It's just good old fashioned passive aggression, my friend. It's usually used for evil, but in small doses in the right context it can be used for good. Think about when your mom says, 'it's ok, sweetie, you don't need to visit me on my birthday. I know you're busy.'